I am not sure where you got the concept of 'authentic self' but his disrespectful behavior and rages are a part of his self. Since he has seen no need to go into counseling, I'm guessing his behavior will continue.

I see so many posts similar to yours -- from men and women. The person says he or she is so in love with someone and how wonderful this person is and how many positive qualities the person has -- except for the cheating, beating, and relationship-defeating behaviors. Many try to excuse their lovers: "Oh, that [behavior] is not him." Sure it is.

I think what you and many others are in love with are the fine qualities or attributes that your lover has or had. But the reality is this person has a lot of negative behavior, too. The fact that even though you are distressed he sees no need to treat you better--that isn't a fine quality.

Some people chase others who model the same abusive behavior they grew up with. I did this. I don't now.

I'd like for you to discuss this with your therapist and lay out what you have here about your lover.

I'd like everyone else in this situation to realize that if they value artistic talent, or a fine figure or big blue eyes or charm or hard workers--lots of people with those qualities and attributes are out there and it behooves you, for your own health to choose a person with the qualities you admire who also does not have relationship destroying bad habits and attitudes.

I hope this helps.