Hi all,

Im so confused.

My boyfriend ans I have been together for over two years, and currently live together. He is almost twenty years older than I, and has two children. I fell in love with him very quickly after I met him as we just clicked on an extremely deep level. He is everything I could ever want in a man... we share moral values, spiritual beleifs, are both artists, and our personalities are so similar sometimes I feel like we are one and the same. In the begining of our relationship he was in good shape, loved his life and was very energetic and positive. We have become so close we have planned a move across the country together and to get married.

This man is my best friend. But he has suffered from unresolved emotiona abuse from his step dad and has never resolved it. He can go from his authentic self which is the most supportive and loving person into a complete monster if he gets triggered. He has had abusive outbursts from the start of our relationship, but I always understood why this was happening and that he was genuinely remorseful for his behavior and that it was a remnant of his own abuse, although I never condoned it or accepted it as okay. Ive taken him to counseling with me several times in hopes thag he would see how hurtful it is to me and start his own counseling, but he hasnt. I know that he feels awful about having these outbursts of anger toward me, but they havent gone away and have gotten worse. The last two times it happened, I was so upset I spent the day after feeling suicidal and lost. I cant accept this behavior anymore as it is.becoming dangerous to my health. The biggest problem is that he doesnt even remember the things he says to me, and doesnt want me to tell him because he says he feels too guilty. He thinks that a quick apology is enough to make things better. Its really like putting a bandaid on a stab wound.

My other issue is that when his son comes over to visit on the weekends, he plays the fun dad and doesnt set rules or boundaries. His son rules the house and it drives me crazy! His son is hyperactive ane obnoxious, and im always expected to spend time with him and if I dont, my boyfriend gets resentful and will make comments in front of his son. He has disrespected me several times in front of his son, but I never speak up because Im afraid I will set him off in front of his son who already has emotional issues. I hate the weekends when he comes over and I feel trapped and powerless. My boyfriend doesnt know how to parent and I want nothing to do with it. ive never told my boyfriend how I feel about it because Im too afraid.

Ive come to realize how large these problems are. Even though there are many good things about my boyfriend and we have a spiritual connection, these issues are so big. Ive been thinking a lot lately, and I feel so lost. My boyfriend used to make me feel so alive, so protected, and so at home and safe. I feel emotionally cast off, like I dont have a best friend or a home anymore. I want to salvage the relationship ane I know I have to tell him all of this and set boundaries.

Would you stay in a relationship with a man if you were in love with his authentic self, but he was able to express this authentic self to you less and less?