I responded to this thread earlier, but posting again based on rumination on my 25th high school reunion last weekend. I could make the excuse of distance for not attending, but I would not have gone anyway.

I’ve seen the photos and read the names (and often needed both) to identify the players and feel like I’m at peace with what happened there. The vast majority of people simply left me alone, and were pleasant enough. But it feels weird to see them mix it up with the most aggressive of my bullies, now balding, graying, middle-aged men.

Honestly I have a better picture now on how this impacted my life, and it isn’t how I thought. The abuse basically stopped in my Senior year, and I was incredibly happy about this – and looking forward to a fresh start in college. It felt over and done with, whew. But I was wrong.

Many of these classmates were great people! They have interesting lives (and I’m not complaining, I have too), and it would be great to talk with them and recall the past. Except, there is NO PAST. Aside from talking about teachers and the town, I would have no conversation. I missed my chance to build GOOD memories in high school.

The bullying stopped, and is largely forgotten. But only recently I’ve realized the greatest loss – the almost amnesiac feeling that there is a hole in my memory from 12 – 18 that can never be filled.