Swaggyfishsticks,

Hello. I'm not very emotional (due to trust issues), so I understand somewhat. You are not a loser.

Have you ever tried volunteering in something that interest you? Because you don't get paid, the dynamics are different. Volunteering makes you feel good. I agree that it is nice to receive recognition when you feel you are helping others. For me the volunteering is my reward. Hope I am making some semblance of sense.