Maybe this is what happens when you're confined into a socially isolated spot. You don't know what's real you just get mad expecting a different response. It's really warped my mind forced into routine feeling like a caged rat living my days on a jog wheel fed bread crumbs. It's like I don't know what to feel. It's like everyone and everything isn't real. I'm sorry my behavior is going out of control.

It's a persistent fear of a constant helplessness that is not perceived and I don't want to be alive I I can't enjoy anything. So I have to avoid people to protect myself when I'm going down in a spiral these may last from months weeks years so on. Ik how to get out but I need to finish draining my anger.

I went off on everyone because my mind fools me very well they're not real people human and they only exist to inflict mental constrain and torture it's why I question if I'm a paranoid schizophrenic it can happen anywhere and frequently if it gets bad enough. So much so I wont recognize anyone ik they would all feel like imposters of something darker. It's so strange it happens everywhere. It's associated with hallucinations. Auditory and visual. I found out my therapist is sewing me, that I panic ked knowing I need to see a therapist for definitely the rest of my life I need a support system I have none basically. Nothing supportive and it's aggravated these paranoid false realities that self inflict my relationships and sabotage everything. If you had yourself you'd know what I mean. Ik it doesn't excise it. I just get angry out of fear.