Your over whelming feeling of being ALONE seems ,to me anyway, to be the driving factor in your life. You may need to look back to your childhood to figure out why you feel the need to keep "unhealthy" men in your life. Twenty years older is too old, IMHO. You are looking for a father figure and not picking a suitable companion.
I don't believe is "soul mates" or spiritual connections. I just don't. You deserve so much better, PLEASE realize that and get out of this relationship. Big hug and good luck.