I have made a huge mistake, and am having a hard time coping with it. I would like to call my therapist and see if she has any extra openings today. But that means telling her what a piece of crap I am. I know I have to.

I have so much going on in my life, and battling depression and addiction surely doesn't help. I "stole" from a friend. Meds. Unfortunately my deranged way of thinking told me I was just borrowing, and would pay her back. That is true, that was my intention. But, she found out before I paid her back. She is very angry with me, and is talking to my husband too. I really wish she would have kept it between us, I am working on this and don't want my husband involved. But she has me "by the balls" so to speak and can slam me anywhere she wants now.

I really saw it as borrowing. That's what this condition does to us. I WAS going to "pay her back." She said she knew I had this problem, and has for a long time. I kind of knew she knew, too.

Believe me, I deserve everything I am getting. She is saying mean, hateful things to me, and I deserve it. I have huge regret. Not that I was caught. I have had it anyway. I am working on this issue in my therapy, but I only recently told my therapist, so it's new ground we are walking on. My friend now has ammunition to really hurt me, and I know she's not afraid to use it. She kind of already has.

Believe me, I know I deserve it. What I did was horribly wrong. I'm having a hard time living with myself.

I just wanted to share this with someone. I've hurt, and violated, a friend, and having a hard time living with that. I'm losing myself.