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Originally Posted by Rlaunch
Thanks alot, i will seek to it.
What drove me to this situation though is the thought of loosing her. i really love her and i know she does to. we are not living together as her family came and picked her up and we talk constantly on the phone she is completely honest with me she cries and wants me back but the family wont allow it and they will take the kid away from her is she comes back. Her sister drives her to see me for 5 minutes twice a week because she is not allowed to leave the house.
We will both start counseling but she is too scared because she cant close her eyes without living the moments she saw me hurting myself. She cries all the time and says she loves me but she is afraid that this will haunt her forever.
Now i am devastated as i never in my life hit a lady and i destroyed mentally the person i love the most. Even though she did what she did to me i did 1000 times worse and it was the last thing i wanted to do.
How can i help her? Should i stay away and let her heal? Should i stay with her and support her even though i am the monster?
I just need to know that she is smiling again and finds peace and happiness even if i never see her again.
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She should probably get individual counseling as well. She may be suffering from PTSD (I'm not saying that to make you feel bad--just sounds like it with the inability to close her eyes and not see it).
I think you need to ask her what she wants from you right now. (maybe in marriage counseling, if you can go together--though I think you also each should get individual counseling as well). She may want some time apart to deal with things.
Please don't call yourself a monster--you just need some help dealing with your emotions and expressing them in a way that doesn't involve hurting yourself.