hi Foreigner

Suicide is definitely not the answer. It would totally ruin the lives of your loved ones and friends and you don't want to do that. I once attended a seminar given by people who had lost loved ones to suicide. And they said no matter how much good they did in their lives, they could never get rid of the bad feelings.

It is very difficult for anyone to meet up to their highest expectations. All people can do is the best they can, and we have to give themselves the credit for that. Even the job you have is good because it puts bread on the table which is necessary. And it need not be permanent. Just a fill in till, you get something you really want.

I do understand that when you are on your own. You have these dark thoughts. But that can be avoided by planning to have activities. When you are on your own to distract your mind from these things. Do you think you need medication for depression or therapy to give you good coping skills to manage it? I hope and pray you have a really great day. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis