hi Lacer

Going off meds is never a good idea as they help to maintain stability. It seems to me that you are hearing voices. There is the hearing voices network USA which you can Google, and they do help people with that problem. Also on Amazon. There is a book called living with voices which is the account of how 50 people overcame this problem, and you might find this helpful to read.

Very often these voices are nasty telling people to do nasty things. The thing to do is to accept the voices and challenge them. Some people have successfully negotiated with them so that they only hear from them at the time they have decided and the voices seem to stick to that. Sometimes it is useful to consider what if what voices are saying have any meaning for our lives. For instance, if the voice was saying that you were a doormat well then that would be encouraging you to stand up and say no to people when you have to. People learn to manage these voices and there are groups around the place where people swap information on how to deal with them successfully. So that eventually the voices if they do not actually disappear completely become pleasant helpful ones.

Please God, your appointment with the psychiatrist will go well. Tomorrow and the medication will do the job for you.

When we get depressed. Everything seems dark. But the way I deal with this is to accept the symptoms observe them, passing through the mind and letting them go. While at the same time getting on with the business of the day. Research has shown that, trying to get rid of depressive symptoms only makes them come back, and that this particular method reduces their number and severity substantially. This is from acceptance and commitment therapy, which again you can Google, and they do have on Amazon. Self-help literature for dealing with psychosis. And depression.

The thing is, you were capable of doing a good job when you felt good. So that when you get your symptoms under control. You will be much more stable and fit for work. Do you think going on sick leave would be helpful to give yourself time to get things under control? That way you still keep your job. I really hope and pray everything gets much better for you soon. Have a really great day. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis