Trigger CSA trigger

A while back in therapy, I talked about

Trigger abuse (sorry, the box thing keeps not working properly so I'm not trusting it!)

a family friend who I have history with. I was saying that he bought me things when I was a teenager, and the incidents happened. That he gave me gifts and could be quite kind, and did special things for me etc.

I can't remember Ts exact words, but basically that we both knew that I could be being manipulative in saying that. It did make sense at the time, because obviously both T and I know what that behaviour could be seen as....

But, I feel that, actually I wasn't being manipulative...I often am, in that I get T to say something whilst I pretend to be naive to that interpretation...but in this case, I feel more that this, and other, memories, are almost 'crystallised' at the age that I wrote them, and when I revisit them, they are still there in their original, distorted form. Doe s that make sense? Anyone else find the same?

Now, I want to ask T a stupid, obvious question, 'was I ......' Because I need to hear it, I don't believe it, also Im not even sure now if I was and I genuinely want to ask. But T will think I'm being manipulative again, so I'm not asking. I feel stuck.
Help?