When I've been in the hospital before I've always been a direct admit (skipped the ER). I've always gotten to go to the nice unit for mood disorders because my pdoc has arranged that. Years ago she told me she'd never let me go anywhere else.

I don't know how well I communicated what I was thinking to her because she said she doesn't know if I can be a direct admit or if I will have to go to the ER, which means I'd go to one of 2 units. And the 2nd unit is totally new to me and I'm not up for new right now. I've thought I could do this because I can imagine what it is like. I don't want to be someplace new.

I also don't want to go until Monday which may be enough time for a direct admit unless she is saying she doesn't want to do that. I'm not sure what she meant; I just am too emotional to interpret things. I can't go until Friday and that means not seeing a dr who will change things until Monday anyway; I can stay home until Monday and get changes on Tuesday just as well. And my niece's 2nd birthday is Saturday and as much as that will be hard to do I want to go and force a couple hours of "happy" out. It's just so complicated why but my family has been torn apart in the last 18 months and I don't want to make another hole, for them or for me. I did email my sister about the situation because she should know ahead of time but ugh.
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I just want to wake up tomorrow and feel better and not have to do this. Or just get the direct admit. I will be ok if I know where I'm landing when I arrived.