So my therapist has been on medical leave for a month now. After 2 really bad appointments with other T's, I went to one today who was okay. I was a little disappointed, but she wasn't bad. Her office was like opening a dusty time capsule; it smelled kind of musty. She was in her mid to late 50s and I felt a little uncomfortable talking about relationships with her because of the big age difference (she's about 25 years older than me). Ideally, I prefer a T about 5-20 years older. She did listen to me and she seemed compassionate. I just didn't feel an immediate click. If my T really is coming back in another month or two, I think this woman would be fine. However, I don't know if my T is actually coming back-- and I don't think I would be comfortable seeing this T permanently. I do, however, like the fact that she doesn't know my T so I feel very free to talk about my relationship with my T without worrying that I am putting her in an uncomfortable position. So, I guess I feel "ok" about this T but not like I hit it out of the park.

Over the weekend, my T did FINALLY write back with a new referral-- a woman who she just hired who is not even listed on her website yet. She didn't tell me anything about this woman other than her first name so I have no ability to look her up to find out her age, modality, experience, LGBT status, or anything else. I also don't know if she is someone my T just met or someone my T has known for a long time. My question is: should I meet with her too? If I don't, I feel like I'm going to wonder whether she would be a better fit. But, on the other hand, if I meet her and I don't like her, I feel like that will be really awkward. I also don't know if it would be emotionally difficult for me to go to my Ts office to see a T who isn't her. I also would feel less comfortable talking about my T to someone who is the subordinate of my T. I think it would be a conflict of interest. But, on the other hand, seeing someone in my T's practice could help keep me "in the loop" about my T's situation.

Ideally, I would like to meet both T's, but I don't want to have to "fire" the one I choose not to go with. I made a big point today about how the last prospective T I met with said she would work with me and then fired me right before my next session. So, this T promised not to do that to me and to be sensitive to that kind of stuff with me. We already made an appointment for next week. If I meet the T in my regular T's practice, and I don't want to work with her, I feel like it would be even harder to have that conversation with her. I also worry that, even though therapy should be confidential, if my T is her supervisor, she might tell her about me anyway. What if I say something my T did hurt my feelings, and then she tells my T about it? Or what if she thinks I'm too attached to my T, and she tells that to T? But, on the other hand, if she works for my T, maybe she is more similar to her and would therefore be a better fit for me? What do you think I should do?

Honestly, I just want to be DONE looking for a new T because it is taking time away from my other responsibilities but, at the same time, I would like to find someone good. I would like to find someone who, if need be, could become my permanent T if my real T never comes back.