Hi I'm kevin and been 48 years old and been going through bipolar episodes since I was a late teenager . My first episode of mania was triggered from a long time girlfriend that broke up with me . I was aware but I couldn't stop talking about it , at work at home to strangers to anybody who would listen . It became so bad I had to take meds to get sleep and get back on track . I found new girlfriend and basically used drugs just to jump start me and got off as soon as possible . I lived in mood swings , angry and very violent but never became manic again till just recently when my wife left me with our daughter . Now I'm on several types of meds and feel that I'll be this way for the rest of my life ! I can't stand it . I hate not knowing what might happen today ,who will I explode on . I need meds to sleep I need meds to feel alive . I'm on lexipro to help me not be depressed and then Xanex to help me sleep at night .
I have a very long history of bi polar ( manic depression in family back round ) my dad had several break downs and was on lithium and several other drugs ) I'm so tired of trying to find that perfect balance of meds or wishing I didn't have this chemical imbalance . I'm also so worried about being put into that stigmata ova crazy person . Jus beat up lonely and don't know what to do . I need help to feel that I'm not alone and there's other people out there who have beat this chemical imbalance . My last breakdown has left me totally on meds and dependent . I've tried to get off and find myself crying uncontrollably and barely able to work . If anybody has some positive feed back it would help me considerably I'm lost scared and worried .