Quote:
Originally Posted by Loss4wards
I'm really new here, but I like the idea of this thread. I honestly believe both males and females share more in common in this area than they think. Although they(we?) always seem to think our perspectives and perceptions are so drastically different. So here it goes.. bare in mind that my own opinions and statements may be pretty different from others, but I see a lot in common with yours.
1.) I've often thought men were unattainable because they were better looking or in a position of power. I think this is partly a self-esteem issue and partly a natural yearning to be equals with a partner. I don't think anyone wants to feel inferior- that's not to say some people of either sex don't like to feel submissive or dominant. Simply that they don't want to feel like less of a person because of who they are with. Make sense?
2.) I've walked away without saying a word because I didn't feel good enough, or "in the same league"
3. - 5.) I think these 3 points have more to do with the interpretation of others signals. Individually a smile or friendly gesture can have different meanings. I try to never assume that a person is interested in me based a smile, because I've misinterpreted this myself. Thinking someone is hitting on you because they flash a smile, only to find out it was only meant as general politeness/kindness. I've had men assume that because I was being polite or kind with a smile that I was interested in them, when that was not the case.
6.) Hugs... now those can be hard to decipher lol. I don't have many friends but the few I do have I hug every chance I get. I think trying to read hugs comes down to both body language and simple discussion. People seem to press their whole body against someone they're hugging out of desire, but more casually and loosely when it's based on friendship. If you're not sure ask (not at all easy, I know) Talk about what seems like the most awkward of conversations.. " Were you hugging me because you want me, or just as a greeting of friendship?"
Hope some of my rambling helps.. I know you're post has kind of answered a question of my own. I always wondered if most guys just assumed that when a girl smiled she was interested. Thank you for proving that point wrong!!  |
Thank you very much for your posting! I have truly learnt something interesting. I never knew that women also had that perceived "out of my league" thing with guys too! I also didn't know women would actually skip the chance of talking with a guy because of this too, just like I do with women. That's truly profound.
And the thing is, as a guy, I've never actually once thought I would not like this girl to come and talk with me, because she's so not good enough for me. I can't actually ever recall any guys I know ever saying that. Most of us guys, because of our self-esteem issues as mentioned before, would actually welcome a girl approaching us, we feel flattered (or maybe it's just me). I certainly don't mind at all and I've never actually thought of ever telling a girl to get lost or telling her I don't wish to speak with her.
The smile and hug thing is still difficult for me, because I forget that all smiles and all hugs doesn't mean she is always just friendly and not interested. Sometimes she might be. I tend to err on the not interested side, so I've actually never struck up a conversation with a girl who smiled and said hello to me. Maybe I've really missed several opportunities to have a girlfriend as such? And what's really confusing, and reinforces the just friendly theory in my head, are these really hot/powerful girls who smile and say hello, someone I have designated as being "way out of my league". Because I pre-believe there can't be attraction, I assume she is simply just friendly.
Oooh, there's another thing I want to ask. Does the final decision of attraction between a guy and a girl always rest with the girl? What I mean is, does she always get to decide whether there should be an attraction or not? Sometimes a guy is interested, but a girl is not, and then a relationship doesn't ensue, and the guy just has to move on. What I mean is, can a guy initiate attraction in a girl by say him pressing up during a hug? Does it only qualify if she presses up?
Oh yeah, and do girls sometimes say to themselves "I wish he would notice me. I really like him"? I've often felt that way, many times I wished a girl would notice me because I liked her.
Another thing that confuses me is I get married women and girls with boyfriends who show me more attention than single girls. This also reinforces for me to dismiss possible "signs" because she is married, so she must be just friendly surely. A girl I used to like used to do this all the time with me - she would press up against me, sit close and with our bodies touching in the seat next to me in class, and touch me on the arm when talking to me, but she had a boyfriend. She was also super "hot". These things are pretty confusing and I always assume "worst case scenario" - she's simply only showing friendliness. When she was single, she didn't do it, she just used to talk to me.