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Hi.. We are indeed a big family, yes, and am glad to meet you and hope we can be friends.
My story is remarkably similar to yours. I am autistic, and this is something, that’s only in recent years, been definitely confirmed. I’m 57 and it has answered many questions I’ve had for so long. I genuinely don’t believe I’m immature, but I’m told both look much younger than I am, and my general manner is younger than I am. (Many think I’m in only my 30s – that certainly is good for your ego!). Whether my manner is due to my autism I don’t know.
I was non-verbal until I was six, and at primary school, I was very introverted.
My mind was once described as like having a tall brick wall in it, and I would hide things behind it, and no-one seemed to be able to penetrate it or break it down . That wall is probably still there to a degree. As I grew older, I remained withdrawn, and at around 11 or 12, was being bullied at school. My mum has said she only found out about this when she discovered massive bruises on my legs. During all this time, the suggestion of autism was never mentioned, however, I went to see a psychologist, and it was felt that I would benefit from attending this boarding school he knew about. It wasn’t a “special school” (a term I absolutely detest), but just a smaller school - intended for the “quieter child”. On its website now, it says it “provides high quality education and pastoral care for boys aged 8-18 who might be bright, but struggle in mainstream schools due to a Specific Learning Difficulty”
As I left school and was growing into adult life, I came out of my shell a bit, but am still socially anxious.
I do have many friends, wonderful friends, and I get very unhappy when I see they’re unhappy. I’ve been told a number of times, I worry about other people, at my own expense. It’s just actually meeting people, I have difficulty.
I don’t consider being autistic an illness or a disability – but I do feel it’s a test. It’s that, that makes me who I am. I can understand my traits and my way of thinking more clearly now. Indeed and it makes me very happy, now that I do understand. Everything I’ve not understood is fitting into place. It annoys me when people talk about a curing autism. If you have autism, it is part of you, and as I say, makes you who you are.
I do have my down-days. Times when I get depressed, and just want to cry. There are odd occasions when I do have a meltdown, it’s unfortunately, just the way I am, but generally, I look on it all positively and consider myself blessed.
You are not crazy, and from reading this, can see you’re an amazing person. I’ve read your post and think it is brilliant. I hope we can be friends, and with this in mind, am sending you a friend request, which I hope is alright.
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