Quote:
Originally Posted by Komfortable
Have you surrounded your heart with concrete walls?
A woman I have begun to fall in love with has very thick walls built up. I haven't quite figured out why, but she is good at keeping a calculated distance. It is terrifying. I'm scared that she will never love me, or at some point she will get too scared and run off.
Has anyone ever taken the time to break down your walls? How did they go about it? What would you suggest for someone in my position?
She has my heart. All I want is for her to let me in. Just a little.
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You need to be sure that you don't give her the feeling that you are "hanging onto" her. You will need to keep neediness/clinginess in check for quite some time. I suspect that she will pull away at times (on top of the existing distancing). And, when she does, let her have the space and just let her know you are there for her if she needs you. Don't try to question her or criticize or complain. Observe what happens when she "comes back". Does she share what's been going on in her head during that time? Is she still shut down?
She will only let you in when she is comfortable and knows you well enough. It is important for you to observe what else is going on in her life. Is her life fairly well ordered? Are there things looming over her? And, if possible, try to find out what her past relationships were like, how and why they ended. And, her relationship with family members/childhood. Delve into these things casually and lightly.
It is a process not an event that will require a ton of patience and understanding on your part.