I suppose part of it is I am still in the abusive situation where a lot of this stems from and can't escape because of custody rules due to my son (therapist knows this) I suppose I'm so confused as to what is what now and very confused in my avoidance of sorting this issue out sooner as I did know it was happening but I have buried my head in the sand.

Most weeks I can swing from one end of trying to improve and doing steps towards that to complete utter sabotage, I do hold down a full time job although how at times I have no idea. I guess for me I just want some answers about the lies people have said about me and a way to believe that they are lies. Not sure if I have made sense Leah or just rambled on ��