Well, I will say this, from my experience- it's impossible to accomplish as much healing or progress if you're remaining in an abusive situation. So, that's a huge contributing factor to how you feel and your concern about progress in my estimation.

I'm glad you're taking steps to improve, and they do take time and practice to become routine. Have you had success with the things you've tried? As for the sabotage, are you two working in therapy to understand it and mitigate it?

I'm not sure what you mean about the lies people have told about you because I only have what you've written above, but in terms of helping you build a positive self identity, I would expect therapy to help with that. Therapists are supposed to basically have unconditional positive regard for *us*, even while helping us with problem behaviors that may be negative.