Quote:
Originally Posted by Komfortable
You're awesome. Really.
I know I can be clingy, it's my nature. I dive in, I fall fast and hard. I'm going to be better about giving her space, as I know she needs it. We talked about that early on.
She does have a lot going on in her life; family hospitalization, personal chronic pain issues, and a complicated set of past relationships. One of her ex's is in prison and was physically abusive with her. I am a total departure from her past relationships.
I'm going to back off and let her initiate contact for a while. I'm scared to do it, because I'm afraid she will lose interest, but I also know that if I'm too needy she will get fed up and everything will come to a grinding halt. I guess I just have to trust that if she wants to continue this, she will.
I'm curious to hear other opinions, and I'd really appreciate first-hand accounts from people who have been through this, from either side.
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A call and/or a text once a week is not needy or clingy. Needy and/or clingy would be a bunch of calls/texts in a row if she doesn't answer right away.
If you don't initiate some, she will think you're not interested enough. Call her/text her and guage her responsiveness. If she's responsive and seems enthusuastic, go with that. If she seems to not be talkative or responding slowly or briefly, back off a little bit. It's about balance.
I have and am currently in a long term relationship with someone who is emotionally "stunted"/has a fear of intimacy. I have handled the situation the way I've described to you my two posts. It has taken us a year to really get down to the "nitty gritty" but there has been enough for me to keep moving forward with him.
You need to take care of yourself during this time first and foremost so as to keep your own emotions and expectations in check which in turn will "help" her come out more for you if she does want that.
I'm sure you understand where she is in her head since she has been abused. Trust and safety will be paramount to her ability to be a good partner to anyone.
A call and/or a text once a week is not needy or clingy -- And,if she is moody or thinks even that is clingy/needy, etc. then there is something else going on with her or maybe she just hates talking on the phone and texting. Some people don't really like that very much anyway. You could inquire about that in a casual, light way.