When I (22) met my boyfriend (30), he was 7 months out of a three year relationship. Within that relationship he was married after a year. It broke down within the last six months as things were rushed and for visa purposes. They decided to remain friends and he moved away.

When I first met him, they texted weekly. I expressed that I understood it was hard for them and that he could talk with me about it openly. I later discovered the texts were his ex wife sending selfies and seeking approval, or asking him to go "back and feed her". As our relationship got more serious he was in between houses and moved in with me temporarily, we then appeared online together. Followed by texts I later discovered from his ex wife inquiring about me and making jokes about our sex life. My boyfriend replied that I was no big deal, his walls were up and was she seeing someone else. Undergoing their divorce, he then had to source their marriage certificate, of which he sent her a photo of with a sad face, to which she replied "hahaha". After this being revealed to me, I kicked him out. We later got back together under the notion that he was sad over the concept of his failed marriage (which reminded him of his parents), over still being in love with the individual and she had also threatened to take his residency and visa away through the divorce. I took my boyfriend back in trust that it was a confusing time and there are no rules of letting go of a failed marriage. He then let her know this and my place in his life also.

Ever since, almost a year on, his ex wife has been very irritable about divorce payments and over things like Netflix. Her attitude is all nice, then turns to consistently provoking and trying to start a fight, to which my boyfriend does not rise to or reply to which seems to only add to her mood inconsistency. My understanding is that she is now in a relationship, yet he still receives attention seeking attempts from her even when she essentially ended the marriage and has moved on.

I'm not naive in thinking there are not still some emotions involved throughout a relationship you thought was forever, however I'm unsure how to deal with her actions as is my boyfriend. His uncertainty makes me feel insecure again and I find her presence re-vives the hurt and pain of his betrayal. She is not in knowledge of this, however evidently does not respect my presence and position as his girlfriend now. I am consistently worrying about my insignificance again a marriage/ex-wife no matter how short the marriage was. It holds me back from enjoying my boyfriend and makes me second guess trusting him. My main worry is the power she seems to try to exert over him to gain and validate her own self significance that has worked in the past.

Has anyone had any experience with this or advice? I just want to stop worrying and be confident in my presence in his life.