Hi Tom,

With integration, it may feel like the alters are gone because they have actually merged with the person and don't feel like separate alters anymore. However, this does not sound like what is happening for you. Integration doesn't usually happen all of a sudden (at least not as far as I know).

Also, you say that along with not noticing your alters, you are having blackouts and other problems. This also would indicate that you are not integrated or just suddenly OK and not dissociative.

My guess is that the reason you have not been noticing your alters lately is that you have found a way to disconnect your awareness of them. I have done this at times when I feel overwhelmed with the pain, fear, or demands that come from those parts of me. I start feeling like I can't handle what they are bringing to my attention, whether it be through bad dreams, fuzzy memories, or what feel like panic attacks. I find myself wanting to avoid them because being aware of them, and dealing with them, is too scary.

Once I reach a point where I feel beyond my ability to deal with them, it will suddenly feel like they are gone. Then it is easy to think, "Alright! I don't have alters I need to deal with anymore! Maybe I'm healed and fine now." However, it doesn't take long before I realize that they are not truly gone. I managed to block them from my awareness for a time, but they show back up again later.

Is it possible that you may have intentionally blocked them out of your mind due to some fear of having to listen, feel, accept them as parts of yourself?

Just a possibility. . .

Peaches