If you're not even with this person yet, I am not honestly sure it should be as much work as you're saying here. I mean if she had walls up after you were together, I'd be all for working on tearing them down but honestly? find someone that is ready for a relationship and wanting that with you and pursue them. there are far too many people out there for you to waste your days trying to break through to a heart that is keeping you at arm's length.