I want to start healing. Be able to set things right for my inner child. Be able to watch my youngest sister play and not feel my heart break from the weight of the agony. To be able to stop blaming myself. But most of all, I crave inner peace. I'm fighting myself, trying to get the incident under control. I didn't realize how much this secret takes out of me, physically. I slept for 18 hours last night and when I woke up, I was still shattered. Not the "I overslept and now have a migraine" tired, but bone weary.

I've been bouncing this idea off myself for a while now. My emotions regarding this incident aren't strong, or overwhelming. Sure, there is a tumult of emotions, making it seem like hell compared to normal. But I'm guessing since its been so long since it actually happened, the emotions have yet to fully reconnect with the memories. Any ideas on this? Or your own experiences?

It does feel like it never happened, but then there will be flashes of intense emotion, confirming that it did. But its not constant, usually a faint, barely there throb. I can't describe this sensation very well, but I hope I've gotten the gist across.