Dropping off meds and it not working out atm doesnt make you a failure.

4 years ago I was on all kinds of meds trying to find something.... anything that would level me out some, I.was.desperate.

My Daughter was diagnosed BP I 3 months later . I was 43 she was 19 ... She was put on lamictal and Seroquel. Seroquel caused her to black out at the lowest dose, She tossed it out. She hit 75mg lamictal and was flying straight and doing fantastic. At that point I on was on AP number 2 or 3 and moving up Lamictal I hit 150 and wanted to hold there and see if it helped.. I was miserable, why could my daughter take so little and be doing so fantastic and here I was maxing out doses of all kinds of shyt and I was still a train wreck?

My pdoc said everyone metabolizes meds differently. My body processes meds at a ridiculously rate where as my daughters is very slow.

So just because you might need 300 doesnt make you worse or less or a failure.. It just means your body functions better at certain doses .

As a life long Insomniac .. Sleep is a precious thing .. I seldom sleep more than 20 hours total in a week. If I was on meds and made a change and it dropped my sleep anymore... I would stay were I was and be grateful for the sleep I could get.

Insomnia is pure hell and can destabilize a person with Bipolar in the blink of the eye..