The good news is that I’ve had a very productive week as the higher dose of Effexor kicked in. I got out more resumes on M & Tu this week than I usually do in a whole week. I hand-delivered two of them, in full job search regalia, make-up and all, on Monday. I’ve been pushing myself to get up by 7 or 8 a.m., and not to stay up until the wee hours, though sometimes my body/mind is not so cooperative with that. I went out in the evening TWICE this week, both time to spiritually related events.

The bad news is that today I am exhausted. I've decided to apply for SSDI and see if I qualify. I've heard it can be a grueling bureaucratic process and be very hard to get. I decided to start the weekend early, and let myself sleep late. Fatigue crushes in upon me, and I worry that this will turn into a full-scale slide back into depression. That the Effexor will stop working, as Prozac once did. Good thing I will see my T later today to talk about this.

Since I started posting on this forum a few months ago, the people who visit here have become very real to me, and the forum has become an important part of my life. I count on posts from frequent visitors, and when someone vanishes, my feelings of concern are just as real to me as if I’d known them face-to-face.

I started posting as I was going through a very bad trough of depression. I think it got worse between the beginning of the summer and a few weeks ago, when I started with a new physician and a new therapist. A number of people have observed that moving to a city where I KNEW NO ONE was a way of isolating myself from everything familiar. As well as making an effort to start a new life. No decision of importance in our lives is ever the result of a single factor, but is a complex of experiences and emotions and rational factors.

I thought my old T was too soft, but it turns out my new T is just as comforting, urging me not to beat myself up so much. You may have needed this time to be alone and grieve, he says; you lost a lot.

At any rate, this group online has been a primary support for me during this lonely, painful time. In fact, I am even concerned that I count on it too much. The weekend is coming; many will be too busy to post. I check frequently – because what I’m saying is that this forum has become a major element of social connection for me. The thought that there will be fewer around makes me sad. Maybe that’s not so good. So – I’m looking for input on my concern. Am I over-relying on virtual connection too much? How can I tell?

And I thank you all for being here for me, and others, and Dr. John for sponsoring this important online support.

Peace and blessings.