I feel like I am reading my story. In total I suffered ED for 10 years. First anorexia, then bulimia as a way to cope with the weight gain, the BED when I finally kicked purging. I stopped binging but was then diagnosed bipolar and got put on a **** ton of meds, all of which have weight gain as a side effect.

Plus, for some reason, (and oddly considering the decade of ED), I stopped freaking out about weight gain. And over the course of two years, I gained 150 lbs from my lowest weight. Then 2 months ago, was prodding my husband, trying to get to admit I was grossly obese (ladies, you know that game we play).

He actually commented on my weight for the first time ever in 17 years. He said he was worried about my health (I have high BP and cholesterol now) and that yes, he felt I met the medical definition of obese and he wished I cared enough to take care of myself and my health. I was knocked over. I mean, it was a very gentle delivery and well put, but I was horrified for some reason.

ED immediately started screaming in my ear...get this fat off FAST!!! So a couple months ago, I stopped eating solid food. I have 3 premade protein shakes a day and that is it.

My husband doesn't even mind my diet, which is highly unusual considering we had to file bankruptcy from the cost of my anorexia treatments/hospitalization.

I have been losing weight at a nice clip consistently, however considering how much weight I've lost so far, I can't tell any difference physically.

My biggest fear is this won't stick and I'll be stuck in obesity. I know it's a completely unhealthy way to lose weight, but I just can't stop myself.

Hugs to you all


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