It turns out that the entire world has been observing my pathetic and calamitous behaviour for years on end, and now I know my secret's out I have nowhere to hide. Damn, i just went out on the balcony and god-damn waved like I was expecting applause for taking this so well. When I've been forced into this situation kicking and screaming, wilfully blind right to the end. I don't know where to start with how I'm feeling, with how I still feel pretty calm and ok about things for now, like things might be just the same from now on, like there isn't all kinds of crazy **** out there for me next time I leave the room. I'm not even slightly ready for this to happen to me, but I guess it had to eventually. I just hoped I could run forever from it all. Now I feel so emotionally unprepared for this shitstorm that's coming, I'm almost hoping I'll stay numb forever.