In a way, I can relate to what you're saying. I too, get scared when I get close to someone, I tend to push them away, the more my feelings for them grow. It's not that I don't feel that I am worth it or anything like that, I know that I am. I think I fear losing that person and I hate to feel clingy, which I am not so I push them away instead. I know, messed up as well. But just wanted you to know that you're not the only one that feels this way.....to some degree anyway.