Hi Illegal.

I don't think you are a loser anyone like yourself who keeps going despite depression and difficulties has courage true grit and perseverance. You only lose when you give up altogether which is something you haven't done.

Getting a good therapist such as CBT or acceptance and commitment therapy and googling one for your area would give you this therapy skills to bring depression. Under control. Self-help literature on this would be available in the public library or could be bought from Amazon or eBay. Training yourself in the use of the skills will bring depression. Under control. And that will allow you to move forward with your life. Take care. I hope and pray everything improves for you soon. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis