Okay - so my husband and I have decided to have a threesome with his ex. This is a girl he dated back when he was 15 but never slept with (because he didn't want to end up as a teenage parent.) She ended up cheating on him and broke his heart, but that was more than 10 years ago, and it was his first major relationship, so of course those always hurt the worst. He hated her for a while, but eventually he got over it and now he has no feelings for her one way or the other. She's just a person he used to know.

I'm not worried about him leaving me for her, for several reasons besides his many assurances. 1. She has a kid, and I know he would hate raising someone else's child. 2. She's currently married to a meth addict. I guess she married him after only a few months of dating, and she didn't find out about the drugs till after. Apparently he's away from home a lot doing his meth, and she's trying to get him arrested and thrown in jail for it, but it's an ongoing process. 3. Despite our problems in the bedroom, we have a very strong and supportive relationship. I could go on, but this isn't really what I'm writing for advice about...

When we first decided it'd be fun to "play" with another girl in the bedroom, the idea of using the ex came up, because we could, well, "use" her. She'd be the "slave", I'd be the "domina" and I'd be in total control. Hubby says he'd feel strange degrading someone he doesn't really know, but an ex is perfect for this because he could use her and not feel like a bad person for it. And if she enjoys being used (which apparently she does) then it works out for everyone. I also really like the power aspect of the situation - being in total control, being able to give this other woman to my husband as a gift to use and just pound the heck out of, etc.

I guess I'm just looking for any general advice or cautions you may have for me. I've never done anything like this before, though I have an adventurous spirit. I've tried to think it all through ahead of time, but I'm sure things will come up that I didn't plan for or anticipate.

I am attracted to women, but there are some things I don't want to do, like go down on a girl for example. But we've arranged this so that everyone can set out the ground rules they want, everyone will respect these rules, and if anyone is uncomfortable/unhappy at any time we'll all stop and reevaluate. It sounds like it's going to be a good arrangement.

I've never met this woman before, but apparently she is going to be in town this weekend for her mom's birthday, so we may be able to get together and hang out for a while. I'm thinking maybe a few drinks, some music, break the ice, that kind of thing. I don't want to just jump right into bed, but if husband wants to play with her, I'm okay with that.

Part of the reason I'd agreed to this in the first place (besides it being a long time fantasy of mine) is that I just can't seem to handle sex like I used to. I used to really love sex, and I was hot and ready to go at the drop of a hat (any hat!) But for the last few years, I only seem to want sex maybe once or twice a week at most, and it often hurts me when I try to force it when I'm not worked up (horny/wet) enough. (And no, lube does not help that problem. Even when I use plenty of lube, it can still hurt.) So I'm hoping that having another person for hubby to take his aggressions out on will help. Maybe if he has someone else he can bang the crap out of, it'll let me off the hook a bit so I don't feel under pressure to perform.

Thanks for listening!