Hi,

I'm not depressed (I'm actually diagnosed with schizophrenia).

As for the colourful part, I feel that there is a wall blocking my way: I'm unable to feel the light.
Why can't I? Because of brooding/OCD I believe.

I'm stuck in a state where there is no genuine happiness or sadness. I'm feeling like I'm "outside of all perspectives."

So, the way I've found to briefly get out of this state is to celebrate the chaos, the darkness, the confusion: To accept my condition.