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Originally Posted by 1234magnolia
It is 9 years after my husband's death. I still am afraid of relationships or even talking with a man. I allowed myself to be conditioned by my mother to believe I was just plain unworthy, I rejected worthy men that I dated and I married someone who was willing to continue damaging me. I don't know how to start overcoming this anxiety and fear. I feel like if I talk with someone they will see me as unworthy. by the way, I earned a MA. I worked as "Head of depts" so it seems to be too much down time or too much thinking about myself and the absolute fear of personal relationships. How have you overcome this fear? Do therapists really help?.
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123Magnolia,
I am very sorry for your fear and pain...
Both of my parents were alcoholics and they did a very good job of making me feel worthless as a child. This then followed me through my adult life and I married someone that treated me very badly (and I thought I deserved it).
I have not overcome the fear yet but I recognize it for what it is (and that is a big step). I truly believe a good therapist helps and I started on some anxiety medicine that seems to help some also.
My therapist a great guy and he wants me to learn to be my best friend. To be able to admire myself and truly love who I am. So I am in a work in process.
It is very frustrating for me because my girlfriend is sweet, pretty and has such a kind heart. Most single guys would do anything to have someone like her. I on the other hand, am scared out of my wits at times when I am with her. Then it passes and she and her son just seem like my "family" and it is such a wonderful feeling.
After my divorce I also buried myself in my job, got an advanced degree and took up a lot of good hobbies. But I also realized by doing all of these things, I was running from my pain and fear. I made sure I was too busy to date.
My advice to you is to start with therapy. Look for a therapist that specializes in relationship anxiety. It actually is pretty common.