Wow! I am so impressed with your post. I read your other post first as I was scanning through the forums and as I was reading it I felt so much compassion for the person writing it. How lonesome they must feel.

You have just done a complete 360 and I commend you for this. You just gave us a great share. You are an awesome writer and have quite a bit of talent in your writing. I loved your images of glass jars on the mantel in your other post. I so related to this.

Very much like this in my family. We have those glass bottles with all our dark stuff in them, but they get locked up in a room that no one is allowed to enter. We pretend they don't exist. But, as life happens, sometimes some of that darkness slipss out of the jar and under the closed door for the others to see. Then no one knows how to handle any of it. So, the family tries to sweep it up and scoot it back under that locked door.

I share your feelings of fear of being hurt. So many times I have put myself out there to try and start a relationship (not just the romantic sort) but to try and make a friend or aquaintance. I always feel so horrible after I reach out. Feeling very betrayed by people. I have suffered too much hurt and let downs in my life. I feel like all I have is me....and that's how it will always be.

I do hope you continue to post. I can tell you that I am in therapy and have made the commitment to myself to put ALL of me out there for help. I have decided to not hold anything back in the hopes of getting some sort of healing from the way I feel.

I hope you find a therapist that you can work well with. If the first one doesn't seem right, don't settle for it. Try and find another. With the right therapist all our darkness has a chance to become light and love. I have grown so much in therapy. Have been doing it weekly for the past seven years so you could imagine all I have put into it.

I still have trust issues but not near as bad as they once were.

Maybe someday you can bring your jar with you to therapy and show it. That's when true healing can happen.

I really loved reading yours posts. You are so talented at describing thoughts and make wonderful metaphors.

I look forward to reading more.
Feel free to PM me if you feel safer writing that way or continue on here.

It's awesome that you have decided to open the door with the mantel full of jars.
Linda