I was depressed throughout my childhood, with spurts of tiny hypos, in which I would create 5-6 art things in a day, or be very irritable and spaz out. As a kid I was always paranoid, believed that demons were going to get or kill my family, I couldn't shower by myself, etc. Because I was that scared of my beliefs. I still have them now, but they are much much better. As I grew up I had times where I would be very depressed, and my hypos got bigger. Went to the hospital fro depression, got given an AD, went full manic with severe psychotic symptoms and should have stayed in the hospital but my mom thought she could handle it. After that I went into a very deep depression in which either meant hospital again, or partial hospitalization (group therapy every day for 4 hours, six weeks). I became manic in there but they controlled it with meds. Now I'm back to individual therapy and got a new pdoc.

My depressions are filled with delusions that I have to die. The urges get so strong and the voice in my keeps pestering me, that I usually need some kind of professional help to get through it. My manias as pretty crazy with the belief I'm being watched makes me not shower or change my clothes, my other voice comes and sings all the time, and I have bad hallucinations. I also stop eating and I would only drink caffeinated drinks as I believed that the government poisoned all other foods and that caffeine cancelled out the poison placed in it. That's just a tid bit of what happens.

The length of my Mania is around 3-4 months untreated, and depression can go over a year, but it is usually 5-6 months. My cycles are somewhat random, but I know I will get depressed in the winter and manic in spring. I may or may not have manic episode while in the winter but I know for sure I will get depressed at some point.