Hello there, I've only seen 2 post of yours and both of them are in the thread I made. Both were nothing extreme or anything out of anger or darkness. You have your reasons and like you said it's a defense mechanism, this is natural.
No one is born into this world being defensive or anything like that. I hope when you do start therapy, that it goes well for you and I hope you can continue to open up on this forum. To me, this forum is a wonderful place, the people are nice and friendly.

All the best, take care.