Up date-Hi all My emotions seem to roil with nearly every reply to my posts. I like to think, on occasion, that I've developed a logic based thick skin to allow me to evaluate what the world sends my way but my armor seems all chinks most of the time in reality. I've been rather hurting for about a week, after briefly rebalancing from my anxiety trip just previous, and not sure what got to me.
The spam and tofu online incident was a fun time I was happy and hopeful for a few solid hours, I almost had joy enough to risk adding something. Thanks for the lightening chuckles guys, hope I can return the favor sometime.
Reading each considered reply I seem to get flooded with conflicting thoughts: Thanks, this is just wrong, this will never work, I should fire back a from the hip a reflex response, no a carefully considered reasonable response, no maybe they're right, they're completely right and I'm just rationalizing, I don't have the energy for this, I know I'm right, I must be wrong, I spent two days coming up with a good reply and now I've changed my mind and have to rethink the whole thing, I feel completely fettered here, maybe it's a good exercise for me, it's too inefficient to ever get anywhere, I'll distract myself for a bit with other's problems until I feel up to it, I'm distracting myself instead of facing it, I need the distraction to regroup, I don't know of any place else, that would be giving up again, I'm out of here, They definitely don't want me to just spit it out, I can't organize the words, it's too complicated and explosively angry anyway, ...endlessly vary, and repeat. Sheesh!
Sorry that's just my week's lame turmoil update...I'm feeling a bit better now. A couple of good nights sleep seem to do wonders for me.
So...this boring waste of time mind muddle to be continued...
...whenever, take care-Downsolong

"For every complex problem, there is a simple answer--and it is wrong!"
-Mark Twain