I've been depressed for about a month now. Not severe, suicidal depression. Moderate, I really don't want to be here and it's not fair depression. For the last two weeks (since summer school ended on the sixth) I have literally been sleeping morning noon and night. I get up, take my son to school, come home and sleep until 3pm, pick him up, come back home and lay on the couch/doze until bath time. Then I think of nothing except going back to sleep until 9:30, when I take my sleep meds and pass out. Sometimes I take extra meds just to ensure I fall asleep immediately.

I've gone to the gym a few times but just to fight through a half workout until I couldn't take it anymore. I'm sad and crying almost every day, but mostly I feel numb and flat. I feel like there is a weighted blanket over me, holding me down and stamping out the positive or any happiness I could possibly have. I have no hope that anything will ever get better. It's awful. Im not being the mom I want to be, im turning into my mom after my father died.

Now naturally I have a reason for depression (for those who don't know, my husband passed away suddenly in May). But it's gone deeper than that. I feel no joy. I just want to cry all the time. I don't know if it's just a stage in grief I'm going through or what. I have a recurring dream in which my husband is alive again but when I wake up it's not true and I cry. I cry for everything I've lost and everything I was robbed of. I know that's grief, not bipolar, talking, but I think they're starting to intertwine.

Question is, should I ask for a med increase from my pdoc? I can go up another 150mg on the Wellbutrin. Do you think it will help? Like I'll still be sad and upset but it won't be this thick cloud of hopelessness smothering me every day. Like I was earlier in the summer.

What do you guys think? Is this at least part bipolar coming to beat me down? Would a meds change help? I'm still in my IOP three days a week and will be for another three weeks or so. Then I'm back to outpatient therapy. I'm thinking of trying to find a grief counselor instead of a regular therapist.

I just need some help to get through this. I can't sleep all day. School is starting very soon and I can't go in depressed like last year. It just sets the whole year off badly.