I,too, am sorry for the loss of your father. There aren't enough words to express the emotions at a time like this. My father died in 2001 from complications of surgery on his anerysms. He had two of them on his aorta. It was hard watching him go, but he once told me he would never want to live off machines. My stepmother and I made the decision to turn off the ventilator, and he died in his sleep the following day. At first I felt terrible guilt over that, but then realized that he wasn't ever going to wake up. Ever!!
My mother and younger brother both died six weeks apart in '92 and '93. My mom committed suicide. She wsn't in her right mind, she was dying from cancer that had spread to her lung and brain. I guess she didn't want us to watch her suffer in the end. But that's NOT how it feels!!! Every year around Christmas I get the blues and feel the loss of both of them. It never really goes away entirely. Very sad.
I think I may have made friends with the grieving side of me, but hardly the guilt. What could I have done to save my mother??? That's the nagging question out there for me.
Why couldn't I see it coming? I will never know "closure" for her....and I'll go to my grave wondering why she did this.....