I need one so badly
And to think that i have my very own at home right now ... well it just kills me.
I need a relationship with her is what i need. I need to know that i'm cared for, that i'm loved .... and that all that isn't out of obligation.
I need this to heal the emptiness that is so far deep inside of me ... and I have no idea where to start.
I hate that i'm the cause of so much of her pain ... knowing full well that i was hurting her by not being the daughter i should have been. I should be more accepting ... more open ... more loving towards her.
Now i feel its too late. Too late to openly talk to her when its something we've never done. To express to her how much hurt i've felt from her actions ... or lack there of should i say.
I realise we have different communication skills, and that i've never even came close to verbalizing my feelings - regarding anything of importance. But now i don't know where to start. How to i even (SLOWELY) express to her how much i need her? How much i need a mother? How desperately I need to feel loved.
My heart aches so much thinking about it, and i feel sick to my stomach.
I just .... just need to feel loved. I need my mother.