I'm only 17 and I'm already too much of an outcast, it always seems that my opinions and hobbies are totally different than everyone else', and It's never going to change as long as I want to keep being who I am. I don't like going out partying, I don't like going out and staying outside for no reason, I don't like restaurants or anything outside, I try to take things logically and realistically and that always seems to pushes people away. Why does everyone else just seem like a total hypocrite? Either be it religious people, feminists or anyone else who just wants attention without really giving a rational and empirically valuable argument, about everything else, too. I can go on for hours about what makes most people illogical hypocrites. Why does everyone just want to have sex, without treasuring it? Why doesn't anyone have at least some cultured values? I just prefer sitting at home and watching something, playing something, because it feels a lot more versatile and intriguing than just staying outside for no reason. I'm below average looking, I'm untalented, can't talk to people and fail at absolutely everything, because of that I have no respect from anyone and the only "friend" I have is online, and we just talk about a game and sometimes things concerning my ideologies, but he's just like everyone else so we refrain from talking about his normal life or things like that. I know you're thinking "Oh, you're just being selfish, not everyone is like that! Everyone has an "opinion". Just be yourself and everything will work out!", well sorry to budge you but I've heard those things a million times, and I have thought about this for far too long and I realise that my life can never get better, people are all the same too, I've read internet dating statistics, observed everyone my whole life, tried speaking to a lot of people, and I figured out that, that's just what people are, and my life will just get worse. Since I'm really depressed and thus unmotivated now, I will never get a good job and will get one which will just make me more depressed. Not to mention that I'm just generally bad at every school subject and totally untalented and physically weak. I will never get friends or even a girlfriend because of how different I am from them, so it won't get any better in that aspect, anyway. I hate how everyone hates ME for being the logical and reasonable one, but the most crucial thing is the interests in the end.

I think it started when I was younger, I was always bullied even though I just wanted to make friends, I never harmed anyone, I even remember insulting a kid for no reason when I was really young and still feel bad about it. Either be it being bullied for pitiful immature reasons, or I'll get less bullied for being a loser, friendless virgin who doesn't like drinking, and can't offer absolutely ANYTHING, It's pretty much the same in one way or another. I know some people are just going to act "nice", but I know what everyone is thinking, I've seen a ton of those people, acting nice and understanding without believing in a thing I've said just to feel better about themselves. I don't even want to take anti-depressants, because I believe that if depression is what I get for being more understanding and logical, then It's probably the right emotion to have, but I've been feeling more suicidal (not saying that I'm intending on ever doing it) and depressed nowadays so I don't know what to do. I guess I just wanted to share this with somebody.

And no, I will not "improve", because I like the way I am, but I don't like how everyone treats me and acts themselves.