Since I've gotten out of the hospital 3 weeks ago, I have really been trying to keep it all together emotionally. I've realized that I have a huge amount of stress at my job so I have been diligently searching for a new one - I currently work in fast food, and although I am good at it, I despise it........esp. the franchise I work for. I left them three years ago because of stress, yet went back to them last July.

Anyway, I've been doing the job search thing and interviews and have had some pretty decent luck. I was just recently hired for a security officer position stationed in a company that would give me lots of benefits. They were really impressed with me (always said I did well on paper) after my interview and offered me a 3rd shift spot contingient upon background and fingerprint checks clearing. I was also told that they will be "grooming" me for a supervisor position for that shift and it should be mine within 6 months.

It is local, about 10 mins. from my house actually, and with winter coming that is a major plus as my car does nothing but slide all over. Anyway, the background check cleared, which I knew it would. All my management jobs have had to do that.

My concern is the fingerprint aspect. Many years ago (10 to be exact) I had to spend 90 days in jail because of my stupidity in listening to my second husband. Anyway the charge was considered a minor felony, I think. I am petrified that something is going to come back and mess this up for me. See, I have to get a security clearance permit from the State in order to have this position.

If nothing shows up, everything is awesome and then I have a second job, as a security officer, waiting for me at the local Mall.

Just to cover my bases I went to a few other places and was tentatively offered a job as a customer service manager for a retail store (a pet store) which is not close by - it is up in the same town where my current job is. I passed the first interview and I'm supposed to go back Monday afternoon for a walk thru the store, etc. I am almost positive the job is mine.

I also have to start training classes for the security job on Monday, from 7am till 3pm for the next two weeks. They already gave me the clothes for the job and two winter jackets, plus my badge and all the things that hang off the belt......lol. If I lose that job it would be horrible. As of now it is bringing up all kinds of memories from back then that I had locked up in my little closet.

Just to say a little - my son is not an only child. He is actually my fifth son. After I lost my other children, I had a breakdown. It is still a box that I can't open yet, but this fingerprint thing is really trying to pry the lid off.

On top of that, I have my disability hearing next week on my birthday, the 13th. I've been trying to get reports and such for the hearing - I received one batch of copies today from my former T. I sat and read the notes from the last year and a half, and I simply got more depressed.

Fast forward to my current job. I had called in a few days ago because my back was really acting up. I was supposed to go into work today, but I didn't go. I couldn't face getting an attitude for my absent time (they have been horrible since I got out of the hospital by cutting my hours and their attitude) so I didn't go.

I talked to my pdoc about it and he said it was perfectly understandable that I have basically quit because of the circumstances. He wished me lots of luck with the new job.

However, I have no money. Even if I had wanted to go to work, I couldn't keep driving there - I don't have enough gasoline to do it till I get paid on the 18th. There is really nothing in the house to eat except for the basics. My son has food but we don't.

I am stressed, depressed, and feel like I'm running in circles. Does anyone know if my fingerprints will come back to haunt me or will they be okay?

Sorry this is so long, but I just needed to type and let out the fear and frustration. I'm trying really hard not to do anything stupid and been visiting all the suicide websites.........but it's hard right now.

Thanks.