Lately, it hasn't been a question of sanity, because I don't live by my label of mental diagnostics. Lately it has been questioning my sexual identity and orientation. I am definitely a man; my head or eyes automatically turn when a good looking woman walks by me. I am aroused when having relations with a woman, in fact I find everything quite excitable about women. However, the old feelings that I have suppressed, I guess, have surfaced once again. I have never had intimate contact with a man; thou as a youth I did experiment with other boys, I enjoyed it, just like I enjoy women. My problem is that I have lived to social and "spiritual" norms and my mind is at war with its self. I feel disconnected and I feel trapped. I did come out as openly gay a few years back, but went right back into the closet; now only a few of my close friends, my sister and my counseling staff know that I struggle with my sexual orientation.
Now for my identity, as I said I a man, however I would love to have all but a few places of hair on my body completely removed from the neck down. Also I would feel absolutely comfortable wearing women's panties on a regular basis, it isn't a turn on or a fetish. If I were in an area where I wasn't known and had a good friend, I think I would even cross dress. I remember putting on make-up and panties and pantie-hose as a kid and loving it. I even liked it when my sister put me in a black frilly teddy.
I just want to feel normal and comfortable in my own skin and not have to fight this war of mind anymore. I live in a small community and it isn't quite socially acceptable to be gay or bi (which I am pretty sure I am bi). It is definitely not acceptable to leave the house in women's clothing. I just want to fit my own identity and not feel looked down on by anyone else. HELP!?!