Well last nite all i thought about was play practice.. and how i dissapointed ym director by not going to some practices cause of work.. i only had 3 days off that i could go to practice... well i couldnt stop thinking about the whole thing and eventually i cut 13 times to make the thought go away...

Well today was no better.. I stood up for my self at work and when i got home i told my mom all about it.. well that was a mistake.. i guess i shouldnt have stood up for my self.. she told to start acting NORMAL instead of a tough girl act... well few weeks ago she tells me to not let anyone walk all over me.. and today she is telling me to act normal and not make waves and let people walk on me basically... I guessi should know when to act and when to stand according to her mood... I want to cut some more.. i dont want to fight the urge anymore.... i give up...

sorry if i babbled on.