Instead, my mother ruined every single thing I had to mature to realize to grow that everyone doesn't love you when they are tired of you and will throw you away at a moment's notice and that pain is just a temporary exit to achieve it again after gaining new things.

It's like I've grown up to feel disposable. I know it's my upbringing and my current everyday life that's brought this to light. No matter how much I hide everything away not one person asks how I'm doing, unless I go to them. It's like they have people swarming them, they find a group and leave me behind. It's like I don't belong anywhere, my mother treats me like an animal she despises everything about me. I was just born I was a victim of rape and torture and you dispose me because you're embarrassed for failing as a parent. I'm not being harsh this is what exactly happened same with my friends and if I ever found love I would never recognize it if it spat in me in the face, because no one understands how this prison works.

I never had help or support. I needed it not wanted it, I needed attention not wanted it, I wanted love, but couldn't see it when I needed it.

It's like I'm losing my mind and destroying everything, because I can't understand anything about friends relationships so on, because of everything I couldn't control. Then I question was I born here to die a very lonely horrible death, and let's just get this over with, because it's not like I deserved anything how others treated me.