i really wish i could do that but since i live alone, it would be a huge asshole move to just leave all of my crap here (i am a hoarder, which doesnt help). i also dont have anyone i can go stay with.. and i have a cat... and no money....

one of these days i will get away. god, it isnt going to get easier with time... dunno how i will do it but something has got to change.

afraid i will relapse just sink low enough to get out of here (then i could go to rehab or at least be so desperate that i find some other way...)