Hello, everyone:
I am a 23 year old male who has been single for 3 entire years. At times it feels nice. The freedom of being single is superb. You can focus your mind to any project you want. You can achieve a lot more, since your attention is not divided between project and that special someone.
However, I recognize that intimacy is a quite important component. Not a necessary one, but still of enough import to warrant this post.
I consider myself to be socially awkward. Very awkward. I am an introvert as well. I am not fond of initiating conversations with others unless I have caffeine circulating through my blood vessels. As an example of my social awkwardness: One day one of my friends was going to leave the city where I live for good. He was seated at a teacher's side (we were at a classroom), and I said a few things to the teacher. Then I left, completely forgetting about my friend, without a care in the world. Later on I remembered, but with obvious regret. To add some context, I was diagnosed with ADD (I have stated this before), and that makes it difficult for me to maintain relationships of any kind. It's like I have tunnel vision: I focus too much on certain things, like books and learning in general.
I am a science buff as well (pick-up line: Care to increase my alpha hypophamine levels?). But even though there are other science buffs out there, I feel that I am interested in these topics in a more intense way. To me, that's not an issue. The issue is that I've never felt like I fit in. Never and nowhere. Some people say that I am too smart, and that not many people appreciate me wanting to have intellectual conversations. That's a respectable thing. No one judges them for that. But then why do I see other smart people being surrounded by potential partners, or already taken? It seems that my intellectualism isn't the only thing that causes me to be alone. It may be my ADHD as well. I forget things, like people's names, birthdays, and even saying hello or good bye to them. I genuinely want to do those things, but I just forget. I am on another planet, basically. At least when it comes to relationships with other people.
Add to all this that I often find myself laughing alone (I like to fantasize about different scenarios. For example, that I am an AI capable of emotion. The idea seems powerful to me, and that makes me laugh of excitement. I also laugh because of things other people say or do that I consider, to put it kindly, dumb). Another aspect of me that may be the cause of my loneliness is my bizarre and dark sense of humor (If Ken Ham gets airborne ebola, that means evolution got him before he got evolution. Dark, maybe offensive, but funny).
I am fine the way I am, though. I feel ok with myself. The only thing is that for me, the numbers may be against any chances of finding a mate. I know I seem smug. But I am not. I recognize that I am a broken, imperfect human being that has a difficult personality. I tend to share things too quickly as well, especially regarding my sexuality. This may be a turn off to some, but that doesn't always have to be the case.
But I admit it: It can get lonely. I've always been lonely. That has caused me to be more accepting of other people, and empathetic as well. But oftentimes, I feel overlooked. I feel like no matter what I have going on for me in life, I will always be alone and single. I know that I am engaging in a cognitive distortion called catastrophizing. But merely being rational about things does not help.