So I was diagnosed with anxiety years ago, but the main focus of my care for most of these years has been the Bipolar I and getting that under control (the depression, the acute mania). However, it's very apparent that I have been neglecting symptoms of GAD, perhaps associating them with other things like hypomania or depression or just disliking my life situation, beating myself up as if I feel this way (irritable, edgy, unhappy and nervous on a daily basis) because I'm young and dumb, not making the right decisions, I'm immature, etc.

I've been blaming this uneasy feeling on many things for probably over a year now, and it has become almost unbearable - I don't want to go to work, I don't want to be around people, I'm worried about everything. My back is hurting, I get headaches, I'm physically exhausted, hot flashes, you name it.

I went to my psych for a med check a couple days ago and even though GAD is not what I expected to discuss, he could read me like a book. He knew I wasn't feeling well, and the more we chatted, it looks like I need to go back on the Klonopin for now. As I mentioned, I was chalking up feeling bad to almost anything else, but sadly I've been neglecting these symptoms of GAD for a long time.

I'm glad we are addressing it, but I feel bad right now. The mornings are extremely tough, especially after my husband leaves for work and I have a period of time when I'm alone until I head out to the office.

Even though I'm doing well at work, getting up everyday and doing what I absolutely have to do, voluntary activities have dropped off, self-care has dropped off, I just don't care. I'm tired and I'm overstimulated and I feel like I just want to stay home all day and refrain from talking to anyone, from dealing with anything or going anywhere.

I'm impressed that I can hide it all, just so I can keep going (keep my job!), etc -- but under the mask I am suffering.

I just wanted to share that and vent because I'm having a tough time. Hope everyone has a good Tuesday today.

-Jess