I'm not doing so well. I just left work an hour early. I stayed longer than I wanted. I can only guess what is going on with me and I'm not happy about my hunch. My friend didn't "play" with me much today. I wanted more attention. That's just embarrassing to say. I wanted to talk to her and stuff at lunch but she wanted to read. Like everyone who I get attached to, I want more from them than they can or are willing to give. I don't want to say this but I really hate myself. I hate how I make my life more difficult than it should be. I hate that I am so ****ing needy. I don't normally say this but I hate my mom for not giving a **** about me when I was a kid. She is the reason I got so ****ed up in the head and I am the reason I am still suffering. I can't figure out how to do what I've been told to do. So I have to wait and live like this until I get one ****ing hour from my therapist where he tries his hardest to get me to understand what I need to do and if I don't get it I have to wait another 2 weeks. I don't want to be here anymore. I wish I could just drop off the face of the Earth.

Oh and on top of all this...