I think I hear exactly what you are saying. I think anyways! I have only really had one relationship (because i felt i ought to) and to be fair i stayed with it for 2-3 years and moved in with him... but as soon as more was required of me i panicked. I couldn't say i loved him back and i became more and more anxious and pushed him away and in the end i walked away and turns out it was best for both of us. I... cared for him... possibly more than care for average people i meet (which is to say not enough). I don't know what I wanted from a relationship but it wasn't what i got.